I wanna cry..I just really really really wanna cry

Hello world...

only got a few seconds before the alarm starts sounding...-.-

Revelation of the day: hmm..Where did my common sense go...good thing I've got my mama2 to save me from that D:

From experience, I ask if friendship is but a joke
Is it a temporary sense of security, and a temporary sense of a bond?
Is it a constant fear that lingers of being thrown aside someday?
Is it the plaguing worry of what lies behind their pretty faces and pretty words?

Is it so? I wonder why it is not written as such..why is it that the poems and quotes about friendship speak of a blessing that warms the heart, embraces the soul...
Or is it just a lie people fabricate to have something to hope for, something as close to this blessed definition?
Hmmm... maybe so ...

But people, I suggest you be wary, of the pain and hurt frienship can wrought
ha! Or maybe its just me with my petty problems, because it seems that I have the inherent ability to chase people away, so this might not apply to you...

Or perhaps its the fact that I no longer put my trust in such fantasies, that I can no longer fathom what its like, that I am no longer open to the possibility of ever experiencing it

BUT WHATEVER

Haha I'm just ranting again as always...
but let's not say this is hurt.
Let's just call it a bittersweet kind of feeling
Bitter, for this scar
yet sweet, for an old scar that never heals prevents a new one in its place

So i'm just sorting my thoughts as I have no idea what's real and what's not
Haha wonder why I'm bothering to find out
But that's life
Sometimes you think you're just a fool, to do such things that won't ever get you anywhere
But at other times, you don't mind, and you don't care

Fool I may be but that's who I am then, might as well preach it to the world

Thanks Sis for being there :)
For being someone I could talk to when there seemed to be none

I had never felt so alone in my whole entire life
I had never felt so much like a loser, a freak, an insignificance
I had never felt so lost, so confused

I was on the edge of a precipice
on the verge of falling
But you saved me :)

You were there :)
You made me feel like someone again
Someone who mattered
Someone :)

I wasn't a burden that people had to carry
I wasn't a compromise people had to make...

Thank you thank you so much for preventing me from sobbing my heart out...again D:

:)

i realized so long ago yet I forgot
that family's the only people you can depend on...

cuz they're STUCK WITH YA :P

NEW IDOL: NATSUME!!! :) if someone as young as him could live despite all that was thrown in his face :) I'm a retard, and absolute moron if I can't do the same :)

So yeah :)

if everything was a lie to begin with, nothing was lost, only truth found .
So why does my heart feel so empty?

Let's start again

Anger is an outlet for people who don't know what to do with their pain...

So...There are a few ways to look at it then, when someone's tearing the house down, screaming his heart out, and cursing the heavens and the earth

1) We need to help him

He's someone hurting inside

He needs help in some way, he needs someone to care
Perhaps he just needs attention, perhaps he needs to feel loved
Perhaps...

Whatever it is, as his friends, relatives etc. we've gotta understand that and embrace that
Understand that its our responsibility to get him back together, or rather, want to, out of love.

2) Be like most people. Ignore the core of what the whole thing's about.. just take it as it is on the surface -- plain. Stupid. ANger. Period

Avoid him. Be upset, and utterly disgusted by his outrageous ways. Perhaps even spread rumours about how he busted your table... the list just goes on

Yep and basically, things just goes downhill from there...

And perhaps, who knows, animosity takes root, blooms like a beautiful rose, whose venomous thorns spills blood...


Sigh...true, things mightn't get so bad, but the hurts still there.
The relationships that would be torn apart still exist

Then why do we still choose the second option all the time?

Cuz we get hurt
We won't know what to do with the pain
So we feel anger
We fall into the same trap that he did

And anger knows no sense
Knows no bounds
And it just keeps hurting...spreading


Till someone with enough love in him
Steps in

and saves the world...


So no more anger here
No more hurt here
cuz this blog's no longer dead

happy :)!!!

:) hmmm, I'm happy today :)

I shall not think anymore than that just in case my emo side pops in to say hi D:

Ah wellies,

Thank you so much for blessing me all this while :)

I had 3 presentations in two days and just yesterday morning none of them were done. In fact they were far from done..

I dunno why I've no time for anything these days... no time for sleep, no time revision...no time for anything at all!! Its like it just all fits into a wonderfully tight schedule so coincidentally and in the end I'm in a spot...

Met mr yee in the classroom yesterday :) He was really nice... all this while I blamed my lack of time on my horrible time management skills, on top of the fact that my name's CHIONGD:...

so I was actually pretty surprised with what he told me...

Superyee: What are you doing here ah?
Cleo: Heehee chionging hw :P
Superyee: HaAA? ...
Cleo: Ahem that's cuz my time management skills are BADBADBAD
Superyee:.... No lah, I don't think so, i think you ah, you always wwant to do things perfect perfect one...so in the end you spend so much time on this thing, then you no more time for anything else...
Cleo: :o

I don't know, but it made me so happy that he trusted me in that way...

Is that why I completely hate handing in stuff early? Is that why I would rather work on it till the last minute...leave everything till later so I won't have to constantly amend it...is that what I've been running away from all this while? Facing something that was imperfect? Still...I still think some time management prob factors in ... :) but MR YEE YOU MADE MY DAY :)

Oh yeah, Mr Sun and Mr Yee are super funny!!!

Ahem...I was chionging mr sun's hw so I asked mr yee if he could PHOTOCOPY IT FOR ME PLEASE!!! ahem...and the most wonderful thing had to happen... mr sun came out of the staff room, saw me and started to talk to me... mr yee came out soon after and I stupidly said ' HI MR YEE YAY YOU CAN PHOTOCOPY FOR ME :) THANKS!!!'

... I didn't know it wasn't allowed...

Sun: NO NO, cannot cannot
Mr yee: yar... (walks away...)
Cleo: ?? heah??
Mr yee: ... (walks around and comes back..)
Cleo: Um... can...
Sun: NO NO NO
Mr. yee: walks away again

ok...this went on for quite some time
before I realized mr yee was trying to save my ass cuz I was unknowingly breaking the school rules ...
ah wellies, anyway mr sun left after that and mr yee photocopied the stuff for me :)

The next time mr sun came out of the staff room, he had my hw with him D: I thought i was going to die...but ah wellies, mr sun's a nice guy :)


OH yeah, mr sun brightened my day too :)
I was so surprised but he replied me after I sent my rm ppt to him and he was like
'Now, I know some people who submit late may have tried to be doing perfect.' :)

Thank you Dr SUN!!!! :)

OH yeah and my dad's ok now :) !!!

I'm so glad :)
He hugged me and my sis while we were sleeping yesterday :)
I didn't want to let go...
hmmm and my sis thought it was a sweet dream she had :)

Sigh...my dad's a real softie inside :)


I shall not think about anything that my sadden me at the moment :) so yeah!!!

Lol I'm back
Cuz Life sucks
It drains you from the inside out
Leaving you just drifting...
into class...out of class...
your mind hurts all day
cuz you're thinking
in class... outside of class...
everywhere...
It just takes up all your time you wanna just stop
In fact I wanna just scream

and stop

and sometimes vanishing just seems probable

until you realize that's just your mind playing tricks on you

another sign of you going mad


Yeah cool, its nothing much
That's what i keep telling myself
Except that I just keep thinking about it day and night
I tried to understand, to put myself in her shoes
but right now I'm far from going back there
Cuz I don't want my head throbbing again from debates I have with myself
I don't want to start defining friendship,
defining selfishness
defining forgiveness
defining superficiality

I don't want to think
so I prolly won't get paranoid
paranoid about getting hurt again
paranoid about putting my trust in the wrong place
paranoid about committing too much
paranoid about loving too much
paranoid that in the end all this all a misunderstanding
all a mix-up of definitions and more definitions

I've never felt so empty all my life
wonder if it explains the bags of chips and tubs of ice-cream at night
plus the stoning
plus the dreaming
plus the sighing
crying --- oh shit don't give me the tears again

I wonder if the years I spent trying to accept their actions
to tell myself oh yeah that's part of the whole package
oh yeah I'm just expecting too much...

I wonder if all the years I spent lying to myself really paid off

cuz in the end, you will no longer matter
cuz you accept everything anyway
you won't get hurt
you don't demand any of that so there's no longer reason to give it to you

yeah I guess that's whats happening now

to her its abandonment
to me its just 'nah nothing she's just gonna drift away anyway and come back in one piece'


oh yeah....



and I guess I'll just have to keep the smile on my face
cuz I can't hurt anyone
after all my morales been lost to drifting
I don't wanna lose another part of myself
the last part of value ...to me

I'd like my conscience to stay healthy, thankyou very much



OMG I;m like talking nonsense right now

maybe its a sign of me going mad

perhaps that's why I'm failing everything

.....oh yeah.. just remembered I'm not supposed to be affected...


but whatever...

I'm gonna be having 2 hours of tennis alone later
yep the courts gonna be full of people but I'll just have it alone
cuz things are just like that anyway
otherwise I'd probably cry
which would ruin the whole damn freaking thing again
so Ishould just shut the hell up
keep to myself
and give a SMILE :)



yeah people, I'll give it to you




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